Au Pair Job Wanted..No Kids Necessary

You know anyone rich who wants to hire a completely untrained au pair who can’t spend more than 2 days with kids without needing to lie down in a dark room for a week to recover?

Nope, huh, me either. Would they be open to adopting me?

I’m actually even thinking about donating my living body to science instead of waiting til I die..that way I might make some cash.

Turns out I totally fail as an adult and not in a minor way.

I can’t change some lightbulbs. Yes there is reasons why I can change some but not others but I’m not telling you 😝

I have never in my life been able to save or budget; genuinely i have never saved anything cept with the CU and you can be damn sure the credits do not outweight the debits

I don’t drive. It’s terrifying to me with my inability to tell left from right and a sense of direction that gets me lost whenever I try to get somewhere new

I can’t do d.i.y I mean good lord I even found out that my bestie has to repaint everything I do when I try to help her. I’ve been relegated to drink and snack duty and I often forget to supply either

I’ve never lived abroad. It seems to be a right of passage but since I can’t do any of the above (driving, budgeting and telling left from right to be specific) in Ireland I can’t imagine I’ll suddenly master them from abroad.

I could wish for a rich husband but I also fail at grown up relationships and do not make a good girlfriend so I’m thinking that one’s out.

Plus I’m not exactly the eye candy a rich sheik or celeb wants hanging off their arm 😨😨

I fail at working..I’m a drone a 9-5er who puts in what’s necessary and goes home..and who is habitually late.

I’m a shit poor dog owner so celebrity dog walker is another option not available to me.

I can’t afford to play the lotto

Right I’m off to Saudi to throw myself at a rich sheik who, praise me to Allan, (that’s right isn’t it?) will add me to his stable ahem I mean harem of wives.

Let’s pray with my mouth I’m not lynched upon arrival shall we!


One thought on “Au Pair Job Wanted..No Kids Necessary

  1. From experience I can attest you can totally drive without being completely confident in your left and rights. You will have to learn how to make ‘L’s with your fingers while still holding the steering wheel. The one facing the right way is left which isn’t super important to know if you’re bad with directions but can be helpful when driving with passengers that like to scream things like ‘LEFT! TURN LEFT NOW’. I’ve tried asking them to point but they seem distressed when I take my eyes off the road. I suggest that if they are so concerned they should drive which has saved me considerable gas money as a passenger 😉


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